Though I cannot make today’s post Funny Friday, I decided Tuesday was sufficiently deserving of a good laugh. Not to mention that my head feels it has a midget with a hammer pounding its way out. My travel agent dad sent this to me a while ago (and Happy Birthday, brother dear!!):
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a ‘Gripe Sheet’, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then the pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said the ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantus pilots (marked with P) and the solutions recorded (marked with S) by the maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantus is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P: Left inside tyre almost needs replacing.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cock-pit.
S: Something tightened in cock-pit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Auto-pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly straight and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Re-programmed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cock-pit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget